just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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