She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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