i think my tv is drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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