Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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