My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
