i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dicks are not precious.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
