I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
