I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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