Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Found your dick twin last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
