i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize