Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
