Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
