Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
