im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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