I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
