if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This is my gift to your gina
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
