The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
