it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Houston, we have a blender
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm having to shit out rocks
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
