Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am one with the molecules
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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