i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
