hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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