i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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