I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize