summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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