I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
