i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
