last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
