The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
