At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
