And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
