We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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