I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize