I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
