just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize