if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
