I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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