I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
