SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
