Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
