he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
