U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
