I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
