She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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