I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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