it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she told me i tasted like america
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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