this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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