You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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