david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
