1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
