so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
