dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
