Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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