just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
