Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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