return my video game
My friends, they love my intelligence
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
