Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize