I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
