I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
