I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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