I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
