i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize