I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
