Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
