she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize