nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
