Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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