I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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