then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
